100 word challenge – Oliver 5A

Tired and breathless, I walked on along the frosty grass. There was no sign of life anywhere. When I looked down, I saw a glimmering object – it was a key. I thought ‘what would a key be doing here?’. Then I got my answer. A man suddenly came dashing down the hillside and grabbed the key then retreated back halfway up the hill towards what looked like a shed. I saw him fiddling with a lock and the key. When the door opened, I caught a glimpse of something shining inside – it was gold and jewelry! What should I do?…

12 thoughts on “100 word challenge – Oliver 5A

  1. I think that was a fantastic 100 word challenge ,I especially liked it when you said what shall I do?

  2. Hi Oliver. I am a school principal from Lethbridge Alberta Canada. I like how you ended your piece with a question. It leaves me thinking and I have no choice but to use my imagination about what might happen next. I also enjoyed some of your descriptive words. Where did you come up with “fiddling?” That’s not a very common word any more. Thanks for your entry. I really enjoyed it. Keep up the great writing.

  3. Hello Oliver, I really enjoyed reading your piece and thought you made very good use of your 100 words. Your opening sentence caught my attention; I thought it was going to be about why you were tired and breathless but no ..not a hint. You started with a mystery and ended with one!
    Ms Breyley, Burravoe School, Shetland

  4. It would be more exciting if you had put something shining inside… because then your next 100 word challenge could carry on from the part where you said what should I do?

    From Eleanor

  5. i like how you used a cliff hanger-
    well done Oliver 😀

  6. Oliver I like your description and punctuation 🙂 well done!

  7. Well done oliver I read it and thought how old is he he must be at least 13 but I realized that its you oliver in 5a I saw some fantastic adjectives in that well done if I had to give you a score from 1-10 it would probably 9.5 because you could of probaby had some wow words in that but well done a great effort .

  8. hi I am georgia and my partner is dylan ,a superb piece of work from you,it really put action into your story and a tip is to use some level 5 puntuation such as !?’,…().;:-

    but all together an amazing piece of work 😀

  9. You have used some fantastic description and you left your story on a exciting cliffhanger – well done!

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