104 word challenge by lily davyhulme primary

i felt like i was going to vomit i had been on this rollercoster 5 times and i was the only one that was here everybody had gone home thats when i realised it was 7oclock this is when my brother leam told me the zombies and skeletons came out of course i didnt belive him but what were all the supervisors doing thats when i felt a cold hand on my back it didnt feel good then i slowly turned to look at my shoulder the hand sneakly stroked my face i turned and there was santa eating a giant cake it looked upsidedown

lily

One thought on “104 word challenge by lily davyhulme primary

  1. Hi Lily,
    This is a clever piece of writing because to begin with I thought the prompt – “It looked upside down” – was going to have something to do with your adventures on the rollercoaster. Your writing then took a more sinister turn when it turned out that everyone else had gone home. The “cold hand on my back” started to scare me!
    Next time, don’t forget when you use I, it should always start with a capital letter.
    Well done!
    Mrs Stones
    http://bradfordschools.net/blog/miriamlord100wc/

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