The day the box came!!! by Marcus

That sunday.The day I went to the jungle.I had to get a plane to the jungle.I went in I knew I was going to find something.I carryed on walking and walking then I came across a box.I didn’t open it , then I saw a red button.Then I heared a noise I saw a black figure shon past it was a bear I quickly pressed the button .It turned into a sword I just holded it up i didn’t slay it.And it never came back for the rest of my life time , but I will or I will not because i’m stuck here forever…..

3 thoughts on “The day the box came!!! by Marcus

  1. Well done for having a rhetorical question in it! Maybe next time you could use more of a variety of punctuation instead of just full stops. 😉

  2. Hello Marcus,

    What an interesting adventure story. A trip to the jungle takes on mystery as you discover a strange box with the ability to change form. I can understand your choice to press the button considering you were facing a big bear. Well done. 🙂

    If I can make a suggestion, when using punctuation marks, it is better to leave a space after each. Commas, fullstops and exclamation marks help the reader know when to pause in reading or show strong emotion. Here are your first few sentences with the changes in place…

    That Sunday, the day I went to the jungle, I had to get a plane to the jungle. I went in. I knew I was going to find something. I carried on walking and walking then I came across a box.

    I hope you keep entering the 100WC and sharing your stories. 🙂

    @RossMannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

Comments are closed.